She's Crazy I Tell You

When I was younger, my siblings and I ate wheat bread.  We had a cereal choice of Cheerios or Golden Grahams (our whole lives).  We never had any type of soda grace our refrigerator.  We bathed nightly, brushed twice a day, went to bed on time, made our beds in the morning.  We even had the utter embarrassment of all 3 of us being dressed the same.  Often this included our matching Tshirts that said, "If You Love Me Don't Feed Me Candy".  Not only did she NEVER give us candy (unless you count the treat of sugarless gum), but she requested the same of anyone who dared look at us.  My sweet Maw Maw (whom I miss daily) always lovingly disregarded this request, took us to Jesse's Food Store, and bought us any candy we wanted.

This has all changed.  Somewhere between her own motherhood, and her acquisition of the title "Nana", she has completely lost her marbles.  The signs have been slow and subtle, like having the baby tootsie rolls for the kids whenever they wanted, then buying Pop Tarts, buying a sugary cupcake or cookie treat anytime she knows we will visit.  But today, she has crossed the line.  I feel she may require some sort of medical attention, therapy even.

We have all decided to come on a long weekend to my Aunt and Uncle's fishing camp.  We are deep in South Louisiana (where the actual Swamp People dwell).  It is hot and sticky outside, barely a breeze.  The kids have been fishing and crabbing all day.  They've had 3 coats of bug spray on them.  In the middle of the day she brought the girls to the only store around for miles.  They came back with each a stuffed animal (grrrrrrr, every mom hates these creatures), each a notepad with several writing tools, sour kool-aid drinks, and each a sour spray candy.  Yes, you read right, SPRAY CANDY!  A sour "candy"  that is sprayed directly in the child's mouth, thereby coating the teeth with a layer of cavity inducing SUGAR!!!   Ugh..I could barely stand it.

Nighttime is here.  We have all had dinner.  It is time to settle down.  I tell the girls to go take their showers as any good mother would.


Then....it happens........the sign of all signs that she has in fact cracked........


She turns to me......as if I'M being unreasonable......a n d   s a y s,


"Adrienne, I hosed them off earlier.  They're fine."


WHAT??????  Who ARE YOU and what have you done with the woman who forced me to try the peas and green beans on my plate?  Where is the woman who demanded baths nightly??  Where is that lady that shielded us from every bad word, bad kid, bad food, bad anything to come our way???

"You hosed them off!!???!!?"

I give up.  She's clearly beyond help at this point.

Lesson:  Being a Nana is a lot more fun than being a mom.  Moms are mean, but Nanas can be absolutely crazy and the kids think they are just cool.

You know what I'm talking about.
~ACZ

Click above to VoTe! for my blog :)

"Fishing"

Location:  Dulac, LA for a fishing vacation
Scene:  a sunshiny afternoon on the fishing pier/boat dock thingy.
Characters:  Catie and Zac

Catie:  Zac, I really, really, really want to fish!!  (insert fake crying face and batting eyelashes)
Zac:  Okay, I'll help you.  Get your fishing pole.
Catie:  Here you go.  (Catie hands her fabulous pink and black Shakespeare to her brother)
Zac:  Okay, come here while I help you cast.  (Both hands on rod.  Both cast the line.)
Catie: (Immediately)  Thanks, Zac.  You hold it there while I go inside for a snack.  (walking away).....Be sure to watch it........don't let go.......Oh, and call for me when you catch MY fish.

Zac sits happily and fishes for Catie.

Lesson:  Catie will not enjoy our fishing vacations for long.

~ACZ

We're In!!!

FINALLY!!!!  We have moved into the new house, and the itty bitty rent house is a distant memory.  We booked the movers the instant we learned that we had passed our final inspection (for the very next day).  I listed, in detail the items we had to move, along with the large storage unit full of our forgotten belongings (really, who even KNOWS what lurks in there!).  I warned them that our move from Lafayette took their largest truck and the help of another crew for a few hours.  8:00 AM rolls around the next morning, I anxiously swing open the broken front door of the itty bitty rent house with its dangling door knob, and I see 2 smiling movers and their itty bitty moving van parked on the road.  I can only imagine I must have looked like a puppy dog when they turn their head to the side in confusion.  "That's not going to work,"  I said.  This was their SmAlLeSt moving van.  The kind I imagine would have been used if Tom and Jerry were moving little Jerry's family out of the home.  NOT my family of FIVE!  "Well, we use this truck for local moves because it's quicker.  We use the big truck for out-of-town moves."  Again, head turns sideways. "That doesn't make sense to me."  After speaking to the manager on the phone, much confusion, and the realization that we will have to just throw our hands up get another crew to move us as well, we tread on.  This moving crew, whose name I will not mention, except that it rhymes with "2 Fajuns and a Muck" charge by the hour.  So, our budgeted $125 per hour has just doubled to $250 per hour, putting us at $1000 after 4 short hours.  {{{Insert angry, violent screams here}}}  The cheapskate in me was twitching.  So, after 4.75 hours, we moved the rent house ONLY!  They never touched the storage unit.  Keep in mind, we moved here from 80ish miles away from a 2600+ square foot house with a large shop, got stuck on the interstate for half an hour longer than needed, dropped half off at the storage unit, moved the other half into the itty-bitty rent house, and set up all beds.  That move costed only a little more than this 4-hour circus.  So, we still have an entire storage unit to move (on our own...the "Fajuns" are not invited to this party)

Regardless of how we got here, today marks 2 weeks in our new house, which just yesterday started to really feel like a home.  It's an odd thing, moving into a new house, even if you have been working on it for 11 months.  For a short time, it still feels like THAT house that you've visited with wires hanging here and there, sheetrock dust everywhere, nails scattered around, and the general feel of construction.  Then, a moment comes that gives the feeling of being "home".  For me, the feeling was last night, and it was tremendous.  I was cooking dinner (hamburgers, a family fave), Catie needed juice, Zac was getting out the plates and napkins...and it happened.  I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of being home.  It was wonderful.  I felt like it was MY kitchen, in the middle of MY home.  My kids were all behaving beautifully in this moment and all the world was working just as it should.  I haven't had the feeling...ever.

Our home is beautiful, in a beautiful neighborhood, with beautiful views.  It will take some time to get all of our crap belongings where they need to be, but it will happen.  Patience, patience, patience.  It's a hard thing to remember when you can't wait to throw some pictures on the wall and make it official.  The time will come.

Now, I must get back to unpacking {{I'd rather slide down razor-blades}} and mop my floor yet again (sheetrock dust lurks still).  Another chapter begins......

Lesson:  Patience is a virtue......which I often lack.

~ACZ

Click above to VoTE for my blog!!

Proof



Catie's view from stolen iPhone

 I just realized today when I looked at my pics that Catie had actually stolen my iPhone to take pictures to entertain herself during the  workout circus.  These are only a few of the 27 she actually took.  One was actually the backside of ME on the elliptical!  That was a treat.




























with motion



treadmill mat





















 

The thief




















 

Catie's view from edge of treadmill

The Most Ridiculous Workout Evaaaa

Let me tell you about my gym.

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful, dearly loved priest, named Monsignor Deblanc.  He had a vision to not only build a strong church community, but to take care of that community in body, mind, and spirit.  He did that, exactly.  The church is beautiful, warm, welcoming, inviting.  Along with that church, is a school bearing the same name.  Monsignor had a big hand in helping this school to grow, and it continues and continues to grow.  But, that was not enough.  Monsignor decided to build a Family Life Center.  This community center has a full basketball court, indoor/elevated track, Olympic-size swimming pool, weight rooms, cardio room, free evening babysitting, several meeting rooms, locker rooms, saunas, Jacuzzis...it's got it all.  Monsignor believed "if you aren't moving forward, you're going backwards".  The whole community supports and uses the Family Life Center regularly and we are all living happily ever after.

This wonderful amenity is so low-cost for a family membership, it is almost free.  For my family, it is free because I teach at the school.  It is also open at 5 and closes at 9.  Seriously, there is NO reason why I should not be there DAILY.  Did I mention the free babysitting in the evenings?  Not to mention, it is so safe that my kids shoot hoops on the court while I exercise next door.  This usually works...usually.

Well, this is how my workout went on this night.  Once we get there tonight, we notice the babysitter is not there. {{oy :/ }}  Well, that's okay, because Zac and Abby can play basketball in the gym.........Oh, there's a big basketball game going on. {{double oy oy :/  }}  Abby and Zac decide to go play on a side court, and Catie will just come and watch me (she can do that at my gym...pretty cool..well, not really). 

ME:  huff, puff, puff, huff
CATIE:  MOM, can you put the TV on the Disney Channel?
(Get off of machine, search diligently, though unsuccessfully for Disney, go to basketball court, ask Zac what channel Disney is, go back to cardio, find channel 24, get back on machine.)
ME:  huff, puff, puff, huff
CATIE:  Mom, can I have a drink of your water?
ME:  No.
CATIE:  PLEASE!!
ME: No.  huff, puff.
(Catie throws giant fit on unplugged treadmill, so the other cardio-goers can watch my embarrassment)
ME:  OK!  Here.  (Start workout again)  Huff, puff
{{{{ring, ring, ring, ring}}}
Interrupted for phone call from Todd who needs to speak to the children one at a time.  Go find Thing 1, Thing 2, and hand the phone to Thing 3.
Ugh!  The treadmill stopped because I wasn't pedaling fast enough.  Start over.  How much time passed the last time???
CATIE:  Mom, do I have bones in my teeth?  Mom, why are you watching baseball?  Mom, can I have some more water?  Mom, you're not wearing a ponytail.  Mom, why aren't you wearing a ponytail?  Mom, this is a kids' show.  Mom, can I go get that chair?   Mom, where is the babysitter?  Mom,  was Pepper in your belly?  Mom, you were in Nana's belly.  Where is Pepper's mom?...................................
...................................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................Mom????  Mom?  Mooooommmm????
{{These poor people exercising in here must want to throw their water bottle at me.....and my beautiful children :(  }}}}}
ABBY/ZAC:  Mom, Abby called me stupid.  Mom, Zac kicked me.  No, I didn't!  Yes, she did!  Mom, I can't play with that game going on.  Mom, what are you watching?  Mom, can we watch the game with you?  Mom, can we get a chair?  Mom, can I have some of your water?
{{{{{{{{{HUFF, PUFF, PUFF, HUFF}}}}}}}}}}}}}
ME:  Yes, you can get a chair.  No, I cannot turn it on ALL of the TVs.  No, you cannot have my water.  Go to the water fountain.  If you don't behave, I will call Dad to come get you.  No, you can't have...will you just...you have to....kids, share the chair.  Darn the time restarted A-G-A-I-N?  How much time have I been on here?

As the final cardio champ left, I apologized for the noise and fussing and whining and fighting.  He pulled his earphone out, and said, "Oh!  I had my music on.  Didn't hear a thing.  I was actually going to compliment you on how well-behaved they are being."  {{{Oh, thank God!}}}}

Lesson:  There is no room for kids during "ME" time.

~ACZ

Leave a comment!!  Can you relate??

You're Wearing That?

Last weekend my husband and I celebrated 12 years together.  We decided to go out to dinner since the kids were spending the weekend with Nana.  We've been working a lot on getting the new house finished, so we deserved it.  We worked most of the day on the house and were really late getting to dinner.

With the few opportunities I have to get fancied up, I seized the opportunity. I attempted a quick shopping trip for a new outfit, but was unsuccessful with such few places to get a decent outfit in this town little time. So, I came home, put on the cutest thing I could find that did not require ironing, dug out the high heels that I admittedly wobble on, and the new chandelier earrings that my mom gave me (insisting they are all the rage).   I.  was.  ready.  for.  a.  night.  out!

My husband came home, took his typical 5 minute shower......(how do they DO that?), stood in front of his closet, and said, "Can I wear my fishing shirt?"  {{{{{{wwwhhhaatttt???}}}}}} 

I pivoted on one trembly heel, saw him in his jeans, holding up his "nicest" fishing shirt, wobbled past him, and took off the chandelier earrings that are all the rage.  I replaced them with another pair that does not make such a statement.  I mean, how can I put chandelier earrings next to an Under Armour fishing shirt.  I guess he could sense the curdling screams that must have been boiling inside me.  I said nothing, but he did not wear the fishing shirt that night.

We had a nice dinner at a really fantastic restaurant (that wouldn't have been able to handle those earrings either).  I  realized during that dinner, as I thought of his obvious blunder,.......................
........................ He asked me that exact same question last year!!!! {{swap fashionable earrings for shiny blouse}}.

Men!

~  Lesson:  Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  Simple enough.  This was a review lesson, though.

ACZ



Click above to VoTe for my BloG!!

Teacher Tip: Reading Like a Champ

It's summertime!  The time when the kids can sleep late, play on the Wii until they start bouncing around like Mario and Luigi, eat enough to feed third world countries, and annoy the living heck out of each other.  In all of this madness, we, the well-meaning moms, are just mean enough to require them to fit in some quality reading time.  My kids must be mutants because they love reading time.  In all fairness, I taught reading to 2nd grade for quite a few years and know all the tricks to make this happen.  They also come from me, the nerd who once missed her bus-stop and traveled to the next little town because I was enthralled in a good book (Charlotte's Web).  I thought you might like to know some tricks.

This blog is geared more toward the child who needs a little more help in their reading comprehension.  If your child comprehends just fine and soars as a reader, all you need is to share the reading time with them.  Read with them.  For example, Mr. Popper's Penguin will be in theatres this month.  We all read this story together last week.  My oldest whizzed through it alone, but my 7-year-old preferred that I read it with her.  They had fun, and we can't wait for the movie.

Now, for the tips. 

1. Find what they like.
Go to the library and see what genre they like best, or find an author they like.  Girls tend to like fiction more, boys tend to like non-fiction more.  If they don't like their book, let them get another.  They need to know that people don't always like every book they pick up, and that's okay.  They think that THEY don't like the book because they don't like to read.  (Books they could later watch as movies are great.)

2.  Read with them.
If your child is of elementary age, they are never to old to be read to, especially if they are struggling. You CAN read with your fourth grader.  It's called shared reading.  You read, I read, you read, I read.  Take turns.  They love the attention, and it helps when they hear a good reader read.  Remember to use expression.  (If you're going to fly through a book devoiding it of all meaning, don't waste your time...sorry so harsh)

3. Mess up.
While sharing, make it a point, as the more efficient reader, to mess up, catch your mistake go back and reread.  Kids who struggle think that good readers don't mess up.  Tell them there are times you read a whole page and have to reread.  They think that doesn't happen, too. 
(Struggling readers will read, mess up, and not reread, making the story impossible to understand.  They may not even realize they skipped 2 lines because they are only reading words and not a story.  When your child finally stops and rereads, it is a milestone.  Acknowledge it, but be cool about it.)

4. Make it real
If the story is about a dog who eats a slipper, talk about the time your dog did something he shouldn't have.  Relating the story to real-life helps them to remember it.  It's okay to talk about something else while you're reading, and go back to the story.

5. Ask questions at opportune times (when you're not stopping the flow of the story).
This is the most important one.  Never ask any question that can be answered with yes or no.  Ask questions that require thought and were not stated by the author.  How do you think that made him feel?  Why do you think her friend is so angry?  What do you think she should do next?  Do you think she will do that next?  Why do you think he wants to go there so badly?  How do you know?  What would you do if it were you?
These go along with the skill of drawing conclusions and inferencing (figuring out things that the author meant but didn't say).  These are the skills that kids struggle the most with.  Think of when you go see a movie.  As the plot unfolds you try to guess what will happen next, you feel what the characters feel, you try to guess the ending.  Bring those questions to the story being read.

I guess that's all I have for now.  I could go on and on, but these are the most important.  So, Go!...read...get out of this heat.  :)

~ACZ