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Saturday, July 30, 2011

She's Crazy I Tell You

When I was younger, my siblings and I ate wheat bread.  We had a cereal choice of Cheerios or Golden Grahams (our whole lives).  We never had any type of soda grace our refrigerator.  We bathed nightly, brushed twice a day, went to bed on time, made our beds in the morning.  We even had the utter embarrassment of all 3 of us being dressed the same.  Often this included our matching Tshirts that said, "If You Love Me Don't Feed Me Candy".  Not only did she NEVER give us candy (unless you count the treat of sugarless gum), but she requested the same of anyone who dared look at us.  My sweet Maw Maw (whom I miss daily) always lovingly disregarded this request, took us to Jesse's Food Store, and bought us any candy we wanted.

This has all changed.  Somewhere between her own motherhood, and her acquisition of the title "Nana", she has completely lost her marbles.  The signs have been slow and subtle, like having the baby tootsie rolls for the kids whenever they wanted, then buying Pop Tarts, buying a sugary cupcake or cookie treat anytime she knows we will visit.  But today, she has crossed the line.  I feel she may require some sort of medical attention, therapy even.

We have all decided to come on a long weekend to my Aunt and Uncle's fishing camp.  We are deep in South Louisiana (where the actual Swamp People dwell).  It is hot and sticky outside, barely a breeze.  The kids have been fishing and crabbing all day.  They've had 3 coats of bug spray on them.  In the middle of the day she brought the girls to the only store around for miles.  They came back with each a stuffed animal (grrrrrrr, every mom hates these creatures), each a notepad with several writing tools, sour kool-aid drinks, and each a sour spray candy.  Yes, you read right, SPRAY CANDY!  A sour "candy"  that is sprayed directly in the child's mouth, thereby coating the teeth with a layer of cavity inducing SUGAR!!!   Ugh..I could barely stand it.

Nighttime is here.  We have all had dinner.  It is time to settle down.  I tell the girls to go take their showers as any good mother would. happens........the sign of all signs that she has in fact cracked........

She turns to if I'M being unreasonable......a n d   s a y s,

"Adrienne, I hosed them off earlier.  They're fine."

WHAT??????  Who ARE YOU and what have you done with the woman who forced me to try the peas and green beans on my plate?  Where is the woman who demanded baths nightly??  Where is that lady that shielded us from every bad word, bad kid, bad food, bad anything to come our way???

"You hosed them off!!???!!?"

I give up.  She's clearly beyond help at this point.

Lesson:  Being a Nana is a lot more fun than being a mom.  Moms are mean, but Nanas can be absolutely crazy and the kids think they are just cool.

You know what I'm talking about.

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