She's Crazy I Tell You

When I was younger, my siblings and I ate wheat bread.  We had a cereal choice of Cheerios or Golden Grahams (our whole lives).  We never had any type of soda grace our refrigerator.  We bathed nightly, brushed twice a day, went to bed on time, made our beds in the morning.  We even had the utter embarrassment of all 3 of us being dressed the same.  Often this included our matching Tshirts that said, "If You Love Me Don't Feed Me Candy".  Not only did she NEVER give us candy (unless you count the treat of sugarless gum), but she requested the same of anyone who dared look at us.  My sweet Maw Maw (whom I miss daily) always lovingly disregarded this request, took us to Jesse's Food Store, and bought us any candy we wanted.

This has all changed.  Somewhere between her own motherhood, and her acquisition of the title "Nana", she has completely lost her marbles.  The signs have been slow and subtle, like having the baby tootsie rolls for the kids whenever they wanted, then buying Pop Tarts, buying a sugary cupcake or cookie treat anytime she knows we will visit.  But today, she has crossed the line.  I feel she may require some sort of medical attention, therapy even.

We have all decided to come on a long weekend to my Aunt and Uncle's fishing camp.  We are deep in South Louisiana (where the actual Swamp People dwell).  It is hot and sticky outside, barely a breeze.  The kids have been fishing and crabbing all day.  They've had 3 coats of bug spray on them.  In the middle of the day she brought the girls to the only store around for miles.  They came back with each a stuffed animal (grrrrrrr, every mom hates these creatures), each a notepad with several writing tools, sour kool-aid drinks, and each a sour spray candy.  Yes, you read right, SPRAY CANDY!  A sour "candy"  that is sprayed directly in the child's mouth, thereby coating the teeth with a layer of cavity inducing SUGAR!!!   Ugh..I could barely stand it.

Nighttime is here.  We have all had dinner.  It is time to settle down.  I tell the girls to go take their showers as any good mother would.


Then....it happens........the sign of all signs that she has in fact cracked........


She turns to me......as if I'M being unreasonable......a n d   s a y s,


"Adrienne, I hosed them off earlier.  They're fine."


WHAT??????  Who ARE YOU and what have you done with the woman who forced me to try the peas and green beans on my plate?  Where is the woman who demanded baths nightly??  Where is that lady that shielded us from every bad word, bad kid, bad food, bad anything to come our way???

"You hosed them off!!???!!?"

I give up.  She's clearly beyond help at this point.

Lesson:  Being a Nana is a lot more fun than being a mom.  Moms are mean, but Nanas can be absolutely crazy and the kids think they are just cool.

You know what I'm talking about.
~ACZ

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"Fishing"

Location:  Dulac, LA for a fishing vacation
Scene:  a sunshiny afternoon on the fishing pier/boat dock thingy.
Characters:  Catie and Zac

Catie:  Zac, I really, really, really want to fish!!  (insert fake crying face and batting eyelashes)
Zac:  Okay, I'll help you.  Get your fishing pole.
Catie:  Here you go.  (Catie hands her fabulous pink and black Shakespeare to her brother)
Zac:  Okay, come here while I help you cast.  (Both hands on rod.  Both cast the line.)
Catie: (Immediately)  Thanks, Zac.  You hold it there while I go inside for a snack.  (walking away).....Be sure to watch it........don't let go.......Oh, and call for me when you catch MY fish.

Zac sits happily and fishes for Catie.

Lesson:  Catie will not enjoy our fishing vacations for long.

~ACZ

We're In!!!

FINALLY!!!!  We have moved into the new house, and the itty bitty rent house is a distant memory.  We booked the movers the instant we learned that we had passed our final inspection (for the very next day).  I listed, in detail the items we had to move, along with the large storage unit full of our forgotten belongings (really, who even KNOWS what lurks in there!).  I warned them that our move from Lafayette took their largest truck and the help of another crew for a few hours.  8:00 AM rolls around the next morning, I anxiously swing open the broken front door of the itty bitty rent house with its dangling door knob, and I see 2 smiling movers and their itty bitty moving van parked on the road.  I can only imagine I must have looked like a puppy dog when they turn their head to the side in confusion.  "That's not going to work,"  I said.  This was their SmAlLeSt moving van.  The kind I imagine would have been used if Tom and Jerry were moving little Jerry's family out of the home.  NOT my family of FIVE!  "Well, we use this truck for local moves because it's quicker.  We use the big truck for out-of-town moves."  Again, head turns sideways. "That doesn't make sense to me."  After speaking to the manager on the phone, much confusion, and the realization that we will have to just throw our hands up get another crew to move us as well, we tread on.  This moving crew, whose name I will not mention, except that it rhymes with "2 Fajuns and a Muck" charge by the hour.  So, our budgeted $125 per hour has just doubled to $250 per hour, putting us at $1000 after 4 short hours.  {{{Insert angry, violent screams here}}}  The cheapskate in me was twitching.  So, after 4.75 hours, we moved the rent house ONLY!  They never touched the storage unit.  Keep in mind, we moved here from 80ish miles away from a 2600+ square foot house with a large shop, got stuck on the interstate for half an hour longer than needed, dropped half off at the storage unit, moved the other half into the itty-bitty rent house, and set up all beds.  That move costed only a little more than this 4-hour circus.  So, we still have an entire storage unit to move (on our own...the "Fajuns" are not invited to this party)

Regardless of how we got here, today marks 2 weeks in our new house, which just yesterday started to really feel like a home.  It's an odd thing, moving into a new house, even if you have been working on it for 11 months.  For a short time, it still feels like THAT house that you've visited with wires hanging here and there, sheetrock dust everywhere, nails scattered around, and the general feel of construction.  Then, a moment comes that gives the feeling of being "home".  For me, the feeling was last night, and it was tremendous.  I was cooking dinner (hamburgers, a family fave), Catie needed juice, Zac was getting out the plates and napkins...and it happened.  I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of being home.  It was wonderful.  I felt like it was MY kitchen, in the middle of MY home.  My kids were all behaving beautifully in this moment and all the world was working just as it should.  I haven't had the feeling...ever.

Our home is beautiful, in a beautiful neighborhood, with beautiful views.  It will take some time to get all of our crap belongings where they need to be, but it will happen.  Patience, patience, patience.  It's a hard thing to remember when you can't wait to throw some pictures on the wall and make it official.  The time will come.

Now, I must get back to unpacking {{I'd rather slide down razor-blades}} and mop my floor yet again (sheetrock dust lurks still).  Another chapter begins......

Lesson:  Patience is a virtue......which I often lack.

~ACZ

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